Marriage...or not?

I have never been married. During a conversation with a dear friend recently whose daughter made a very bad choice of a husband, I shared some of my insights about marriage. She asked that I post those. (I'll do my best to remember!)

Yes, when I was young(er), I would have loved to get married and have children. I always assumed I would. But, I've never really attracted the 'right' men. When I was younger, one reason was that I didn't deem myself worthy of the right kind! Sad, but true. So, even if a 'good guy' was interested in me, I'd end the relationship, knowing there must be something wrong with him if he was interested in me! But I still longed to be loved, in a marital way.

So, when I became a believer at the age of 28, I was so excited! I knew now that God had been 'saving' me for the right man! Well, year after year passed and it just didn't happen for me, while friend after friend married and had children. Yes, I got rather angry at God about this. Was I that fat, stupid and/or ugly? Undeserving? My father never exhibited much love for me, so this added fuel to the fire. At some point, I not only 'resigned myself' to singleness, but got over being mad at Him about it. He knows best, doesn't He? If I really believe that, and really believe He's perfectly capable of bring 'the right man' to me, if there even is one, why should I be angry at Him about this issue? And why would I want to be married if it's not His will for me? I grew up in a house (not a home) with a bad marriage and know it's not pretty. In fact, it's pretty ugly. And, over the years, I've heard many, many stories about marriages that did NOT turn out to be 'fairy tale marriages.' ..even among those who profess to love Him.

I'm not sure how or why, but even though I SO longed for marriage, I still wasn't willing to settle for less than 'the right one.' Oh, how many gals I've seen over the years want marriage (and the wedding!) more than being sure it was God's match. And most have paid the price. It's too long-term a decision to just marry the first one that asks! Especially if you're going into it with the Biblical perspective that it's for the rest of your earthly life! Yes, I was engaged once and 'woke up' BEFORE the wedding! Praise God! I won't even tell you how I KNOW that wasn't God's match, but I put out a fleece before the Lord and He showed me. I'm so glad I listened. I know I spared myself a few (or many) years of hell on earth.

Look at Abraham and Sarah. It's not the issue of marriage, but it IS the issue of being content with your circumstances. It's all about trusting God. If He wants you to have a baby, He's perfectly able to empower you to become pregnant. I just met a gal a couple of weeks ago who'd been told she'd most likely not be able to have children due to an operation she'd had. She now has two precious little girls. But getting back to Abraham and Sarah, I think most of us know the story. She decided she'd 'help God out.' We are still living with the consequences of her decison all these centuries later!

As Christians, we SAY we believe God, or that we trust Him. Yet, our actions often betray our words. And I think we miss that fact quite often. Do my reactions or responses line up with what I say I believe? Do we ask ourselves that often enough? I suspect not. And I think He sometimes puts us in situations to show us we really DON'T believe what we say we believe. (Or we'd never know it). He did that with me recently. When I had pneumonia, I could see NO purpose in it whatsoever. I forsook prayer, for the most part, rarely read my Bible and was, frankly, not too happy with Him! Well, guess what? I believe part of the purpose was to show me what my heart response was/would be in that situation. It was UGLY! I was a traitor to my Lord and to the very words I've told so many others about trusting Him when things aren't going quite the way we think they should. Yes, I've repented and He, as always, has been so gentle and true to His Word. It makes me love Him all the more, but I NEVER want to do that again! He is far too worthy. May we remember to trust Him in all our circumstances.